JUNE 17TH - 22:22

i will begin this post with describing and trying to get my head around the events of the last two days, predominantly those of last night..

on tuesday morning i got the train into lincoln at 9.30. i wass rushing around at home, i slept in as the night before i had been trying to sort out an outfit for my bowie set. my dad drove me round to the train station, just as the train was pulling in - i love it when that happens...

...as soon as i got into lincoln i treated myself to a pack of marlboro reds - the day ahead was to be busy and tiring so this was a luxury and an ease! upon buying the cigarettes i realised i had bought a soft pack - i have never seen one of these before, and spent the majority of the day informing everyone of their existence..

had a bowie rehearsal at 10AM - i was half an hour late as i went to topman to buy a plain white t shirt (i bought an XXS!) to paint my prince design onto... my voice was sketchy in the rehearsel, i had an irritable throat and struggled at points, but the band were tight and it made me feel certain in our inevitable success...

went down to the drill hall for 12.30, only to be told that we aren't allowed to begin run throughs until 2PM as people in the cafeteria have complained about the noise...

THIS IS MENTAL! it is a theatre, a space for performance...a performance needs sound checks and rehearsals! there were only about four people in the cafeteria anyway! absurd...

after a day of good, albeit delayed rehearsals, i spent the majority of my time before the performance sat backstage, talking with friends and nipping outside for cigarettes. 

the show started at 7.30, kicking off with the prince set. i'd never enjoyed those songs as much as i did last night - the band were incredibly tight. my mother was in the crowd, and i was singing the songs for her, she was too ill to see the prince show the first time round, so last night was for my mother. the harmonies on purple rain sounded amazing, and the energy in get off was intense. after the prince set, and a kind applause from the unexpectedly huge crowd, i went backstage to rest, and see my family and friends briefly.

the second act opened with my david bowie set. i have performed countless times in my life, but the energy and intensity i felt when performing those songs last night completely overtook me.

 the power behind those songs....the energy of fame, the bitterness of let's dance and the emotion of heroes...i screamed and screamed, i felt at one with the songs...i sang like i had nothing to lose. i didn't perform, i existed. 

when the bowie set had finished, i felt incredibly faint, and ran backstage immediately to sit down. i've been so tired lately, mentally and physically, but the show last night gave me such a boost. i've found out i need to learn how to take compliments..

after the show had finished, i stayed behind to help with the get out. it was all fine and dandy, howell and i adopting our usual post as van loaders/drivers...UNTIL THE BATTERY DIES ON THE VAN! end up sitting at the drill hall until 1.30AM...jack josh and i literally run to romeo's pizza and stay there until 2.30AM...i leave jack and josh at josh's flat to go to adam's..

i got to sleep at around 3.00AM, and fell asleep listening to neon bible... i remember buying this album at somerfield in sleaford after school, i must have been fifteen, and thinking it the world. in heinsight, it is still musically fantastic, but i think it loses itself in parts to it's predetermined goals...it loses intensity in favour of purpose.

however, it does contain some of arcade fire's finest moments...this being one of them.

the music in this song gives me the same sense of bittersweet as david bowie and nick cave's work...the music itself combining the saucy, salsa-esque guitar strumming and drumming with a brooding intensity, before progressing into a lifesaving finale of hornsand piano stabs...the finale almost reminds me of beirut...absolutely magical. true originals...

'you got your reasons, and me i got mine.

but all the reasons i gave were just lies to buy myself some time, i've come to work it out.'

i got a letter from ucas today, asking for me to verify something to do with exam boards/grades, as what it says on my entry doesn't match with what the exam boards themselves have said...it's all very confusing, i will have to seek the help of dave for this one.