SEPTEMBER 18TH - 20:26

hello,

tomorrow i move to london.

i haven't written anything on this for over a month. in this time i have experienced numerous things that are worth noting:

1. my solo show at scy, which was both a pleasure to play and, thankfully, mildly successful. it was a pleasure to play with annie, and it was nice to play with my best friend matthew. people really seemed to enjoy the night, and it was the first showcasing of alot of my new songs. 

2. i read les enfants terribles - it was incredible, the lyricism and imagery of jean cocteau's writing did, for me, wonders to re enforce the credability of his somewhat uncompromising visual art - the 'surrealist' tag he has burdened with being disproved, and instead the rich and humane ethic to his works certified.

3. i have been gradually getting ready to move to london - buying countless amounts of bulbs and blankets, suggesting there is nothing worse than being in the cold AND in the dark!

it seems i have forgotten the entirety of events that have happened in the passing month and a bit, but it mainly involved spending time with close friends, and savouring both lincolnshire and my family.

i hadn't really felt any emotion, other than sheer excitement, for tomorrow until last night. a surprisingly large group of my good friends joined me for a meal in my favourite restaurant in lincoln - roman's place, situated both picturesquely and conveniently behind both the castle and the pub!

after a few ciders and a lovely meal, we headed into town for more drinks and, ultimately, one final night out in scy.

it is so humbling to think that this group of people that i would call good friends would go out of their way to say goodbye to me before i move - and it was massively appreciated. thankyou.

so now - as the situation stands - i have packed the majority of my things - all my favourite records, books and dvds, all my acceptable clothes, all of my condements, ointments and delicates, and all of my indispensable instruments. i am ready to go. but first, i must bathe for one last time in a good few months, and get a good night's sleep before setting off bright and early tomorrow at 9.30AM.

thankyou lincolnshire, for being beautiful, a pleasure, ugly and unbearable. the same goes for my friends!

i have been listening to this song constantly for the last week:

they won't go when i go - stevie wonder

i first heard the song when performed at michael jackson's memorial service. it is sheer power, an epitome of soul and faith, and the piano and melody reminds me of nina simone. i think it's quite fitting for the situation as it stands..

AUGUST 7TH - 23:32

it's become obvious and apparent to all that this blog is no longer a daily routine - to move on with our lives we must all accept this fact and thus appreciate the sparse yet rich entries i provide from now on...

...i've been to greece since we last spoke. the weather and the waitors were fantastic and scorching in equal measure, although for the majority of the week i thought i was going insane - i confessed to my mother one night, to her delight, that i was convinced a moustached german looking man was going to shoot me at the dinner table.

that particular night we watched greek dancing, so erotic and energetic, a british explorer who i'd guess was 70 told me:

'this is sex. we had it in the sixties, we had it in the jive. we held them here (pulls his hands close to his chest) - we had them in our hands. now, youth waste their time by dancing three feet away from eachother.' this is something i will never challenge or forget.

i read arthur schnitzler - dream story, leonard cohen - beautiful losers and andre gide - the immoralist. it seems sexual craving was the coherent theme for my literary ventures in greece!

since i have been back chris has turned 18 - he is now legally obliged to go out into the night and witness the beauty and the carnivorous.

i have been writing alot lately - i now have five songs that i would determine a singular output:

in ashes

species

the blood prayer (i think this title is slightly too chauvinist)

vaccuum

youth symmetry

wrote a song with matt this week - rauceby asylum, i look forward to playing this and all my other new songs at the gig at scy in a couple of weeks. how ironic that the songs i have written should have their first performance on the very dancefloor they were conceived.

listened to andrew bird - armchair apocrypha alot in greece. this song stands out, the first time i heard it reminded me of the simplest magic of music - the instantaneous attention commanded to apparent simplicity - the catch.

his whistling as absolutely beautiful, the rhythm is addictive, the melody is so whistful...

JULY 19TH - 17:01

memorable things that have happened in the last five days have included:

- yesterday when chris kelly and i came back to kelly's car, which was parked in city hall, and a couple were having sex on the front seat of the car next to us. awkward to say the least, they tried to pass it off as them having a conversation when they saw us, but his trousers were round his ankles. even more awkward when i had to get out of the car to usher kelly back, to help her reverse out.

- went to the record fair yesterday. jack frankum had bought out the prince section. first come first served, i say. it was disappointing though, no leonard cohen and an abundance of michael jackson jokes.

- friday night was the night of chris' serious monopoly induced breakdown. he was getting much to into it and got power crazy, kelly and i were tired so i messed up the whole board so everything was mixed up and muddled. chris went crazy and stormed out.

- worked on thursday night flyering for adam, did it for two hours with al, then went to lloyds with nikki, al and kate for a drink. the bouncers challenged my id saying it wasn't me, it really angered me so they decided to let me in anyway. absolutely ridiculous.

- went to nikki's last night for a low key birthday gathering. drank death cider and took hilarious pictures on nikki's camera. fell asleep watching science of sleep - it was the influence.

i am sat in my kitchen on a sunday, hungover. been for dinner with kelly and my brother, my sister and parents have gone to t4 on the beach. i've tried to show them the way to live in the past but you can't lead a horse to water. they will learn from their mistake!

going to see morrissey for the fifth time on wednesday. really looking forward to it, i haven't seen him this year and i haven't been to london since march. needless to say this visit i will not be in the same optimistic, smitten blindness that i was in march, but it is london - there's more than enough to blind you. 

i've come to a term this week that has enabled me to accept my true feelings, however insane and offputting they may seem, but the silence drowns out the longing. the only way to persevere is to embrace, i am hoping. this isn't gibberish, or self indulgent mindlessness - it makes perfect sense to me! if anyone reads this, this is complete honesty!

i was trying to remember the song that someone told me was about cancer spreading through a body. i can't remember who it was by or what it was called, but i remember him telling me that it had a choir and an orchestra in it. however i daren't ask him what it was called. oh joy.

out of all the people in the world...

this is for you.

this is for me.

bon iver remind me that not only is there potential in new music, but there is faith, intimacy, honesty and devotion. such an important artist, the bloodbank ep and the album are both incredible, seeing them at glastonbury was a truly religious experience. this song is beyond words.

i got to corfu on friday, to read beautiful losers and venus in furs.

JULY 14TH - 17:17

friday night was pretty memorable. i do enjoy spending the majority of my day in the jolly brewer, even more so when i have an excuse to. the tommy show went very well, with a huge crowd and a huge applause from all. it makes me happy to be part of something that means so much to my friends, dave especially. the show itself is for me very nostalgic, after performing in a theatre royal residency last may - it reminds me of friends past and present, hot english summers and illustrious conversation. the show itself is fantastic, and always makes me smile.

after the show, and the imminent 'get out', i said goodbye to a good friend of mine, jay. jay was one of the first people i made friends with on my old music course, which i started as a shy, reserved boy. however, i completed warmed to jay and he has remained one of my very good friends to this day. i will not be seeing him for a long time now, as he has gone back up to liverpool without a reason to return to lincoln, and i of course move to the big smoke in the autumn. until next time, though.

the night ended up at dave's house. a night of martinis, twelve year old scotch, michael jackson on repeat and impromptu dancing that lasted until around 5.30AM, when jack emily and i piled into dave mallett's bed (dave was dead to the world on the sofa downstairs). we woke up at around midday to black coffees with honey and copious amounts of water - and proceeded to fantastic conversation, coffee and cigarettes in dave's living room. after putting the world to rights and cementing eachother's inevitable success, the rabble left dave to his saturday chores at around 3PM. i waltzed into town to try and find ryan a birthday present i had in mind - i looked in every bookshop in lincoln, to no avail. however, i did find leonard cohen - 1956-1966 in jews court for £1.50! an absolute snatch! i had an interesting conversation with the ever-lovely woman in the harlequin bookshop about beautiful losers, and we discussed times we had seen leonard cohen perform...

i went to hmv to buy ryan's presents, in the end. i bought him two albums which mean a very great deal to me, two of the most important and beautiful albums i could imagine giving to someone as a gift, and two albums that ryan was least likely to actually have downloaded...

i went with the smiths debut and my favourite nick drake album, bryter layter. i have always admired nick drake and his music, his dialect and instrumental skills lend themselves to eachother in their beauty, fragility and precision. such a beautiful boy too, with the face of a cherub, and the hair of a goddess...

chime of a city clock was always my favourite track from bryter layter - the urban jazz/soul influences of the track are similar to those prominent in marvin gaye's masterpiece - what's going on. the rural purity of nick drake's voice, when presented with his knowledge of jazz and lounge music, creates a vital, dominating presence. when listening to this song i can smell the rain, i can hear the busses, i can see the slate grey skies and the red bricks...it's songs like these that persuaded me to follow my london dream...

on saturday night we all went to scy to see ryan jarman attempt a dj set. i would have been satisfied, had i seen any evidence of an attempt at all. he didn't even manage to save himself by playing panic...terrible.

however, the night was very much a good one, with aaron playing a cracking set of songs for us to get our jive onto. i managed to make amends where they needed to be made, and it left me feeling comfortable and happy. kelly was sick too, which is always a laugh...

sunday was pretty much uneventful. ryan's birthday, i woke up around mid day with somewhat of a hangover, we all managed to pull ourselves into town for a coffee before kelly and i set off for home at around 3PM.

i stayed at kelly's house on sunday night, and was reminded of just how great a movie dumb and dumber is. that script is absolute comedy gold, and jim carey and jeff daniels are such a fantastic duo.

today i managed to do two hours of flyering before realising i have done every house that needs to be done in ruskington. i'm going to being sleaford tomorrow...i have been ironing for the majority of the afternoon.

i have been so excited about moving to london this week - i keep searching the internet for articles relating to students in london, each time i read something new it fills me with excitement and restlessness...

9TH JULY - 21:47

today is thursday, and i have spent the majority of this week rehearsing for tomorrow afternoon/nights performances of tommy at the jolly brewer.

on monday night chris, kelly, kim and i went to wetherspoons with the intention of entering the quiz. however, after meeting kelly and kim's 6th form friends and witnessing the amount of people in the pub, we decided against it. we ended up going to the barge and bottle (after kelly chris and i hosted our own music quiz in the beer garden of wetherspoons), where chris' drink was taken from him as he was unable to provide ID. this proved to be as entertaining as ever.

the night became more entertaining, however, when 'steve' decided to join chris and i for a conversation that opened with the following, drunken line:

'which came first - the jazz or the perfume?'

you know a conversation is worth having when it starts with such a question...

after a time discussing little richard, barbeques, led zeppelin, gretches and regrets 'swept under the carpet' with 'steve', we made our way to the mabern for a spot of pool. they were playing a michael jackson show on some sort of music channel, without the television screens turned on - i know this as we walked in to the sound of michael dancing on and and smashing the swastika bearing windows of a car - an amazing sequence that caused controversy when shown as the extended finale to the black or white video.

i learned the playing pool against your two best friends is much more fun when played to such a brilliant soundtrack....

i stayed at amy and ryan's house on tuesday night to watch the michael jackson memorial show with amy. my emotions are still quite confused and i am still in a sense of disbelief about the loss of michael, however the memorial was spectacularly emotional, tasteful, and poignant. it left me with a sense of not only the traditionally religious values of the jackson family, (highlighted by a beautiful rendition of the gospel piece 'the king is coming' as michael's coffin was wheeled in), but the humane qualities of the enigma. behind the glitter, a surface is bare. and behind a mask, there is a face. a father, a brother, a lover, a friend, and a rock.

as the brilliant al sharpton said to paris, prince and blanket: 'it's not your daddy that was strange, it was the thing he had to deal with that were strange.' in both a literal and a metaphorical sense - michael had to deal with strange attention, surreal heights of fame and genius...and with his own demons and insecurities, both of which were on an elevated scale. however, just like everybody else on the planet - he was not a strange being. he was a human being, conceived and born in flesh.

stevie wonder's contribution was spectacular - so dignified, traditional and powerful...

it will only be when michael is buried for good that the world will truly begin to come to terms with the loss, however i am certain that the influence he had on me as a vulnerable, weak child, and on millions of others like me across the world, we never die and will, sadly, never be understood by the sceptics. 

found this amazing song by a band called S.C.U.M. the song is called warsaw, and it is so powerful. it enforces my ethic that the audible energy is always coupled with a visual energy - it is a natural and magical process, and this footage is so absolutely captivating, raw and powerful - it also highlights the identical qualities of the delicate and the powerful.

S.C.U.M - warsaw

S.C.U.M. - Warsaw from Vice online on Vimeo.

6th JULY - 17:39

today rehearsals for tommy began again, with two shows at the jolly brewer on friday. they went well - my chest is really starting to clear which is good.

saturday night involved ryan, chris, kelly and i going to the tap and spile for old rosie - walter was there so kelly and chris got to witness the spectacle that is his fantastic magic tricks for the first time.

quote:

walter: (88 years old) guess a number between 1-10?

kelly: 7

walter: you lose - take your clothes off.

amazing.

afterwards we went to the dog and bone for lee gretton's 30th surprise birthday - had a huge discussion on the possibility of prince headlining glastonbury next year. also ended up playing i'll be there and hallelujah on piano. 

we went home at around 1am and watched ten minutes off little miss sunshine before i said i had to go to bed as i was falling asleep.

sunday consisted of me returning my ricky gervais dvd to cex in exchange for dumb and dumber, and going to see ryan work in starbucks. i made him get me a vanilla latte - it was ok, as good as starbucks coffee can be. i really dug there boho attitude in there...jokes of course.

been thinking alot recently about how important it is to retain and hold onto the flame, to remember those moments which at the time seem insignificant, but in heinsight crucial, and to have faith in love, desire and people. it is possible to be wrong about people, and it isn't something to be ashamed of - the flame you behold never dies, it just retires until it is time for it to return.

this song, for me, epitomises the flame - the spontaneity, innocence and determination of young love. it is from an album that is very special to me, and is practically the reason i managed to complete school. the visions, the beauty, the magic (never an illusion), the sheer texture makes this album absolutely vital. this song always rang completely true to me and gave me hope in love.

'The world is our carpet now
The world is our dancefloor now
Remind me how to dance again
The world is our carpet now

The world is just waiting now
No staring out windows now
Our train stopped moving hours ago
We're here, we're here, we're here

Yes we're here
Free to laugh and cry
Obliged to try
And nothing here's worth winning without a fight

When I can't move
I'll enjoy the still for a while
And lose myself in waves
And mountains and the sky
And I'm back here quick as lightning

'Cause we are just seconds
Seconds in a day

It's a dancefloor now
No staring out windows now
Our train stopped moving
Hours ago
We're here, we're here, we're here
What do I do?

Free, free to run and cry
Obliged to try
And nothing is worth winning without a fight
Oh yes we're here
Free to go insane
Joy and pain are fighting in the corridors inside

When I can't move
I'll savour the pause for a while
And lose myself in waves
And mountains and the sky
And I'm back here quick as lightning
'Cause we are just seconds
Seconds in a day'

the dancefloor is a ceremony, and the moment is the marriage. true love should be chased, and the living chase it. corpses don't.

guillemots - we're here

JULY 4TH - 14:08

my chest infection is, thankfully, starting to slip under control. i've been prescribed amoxicillin, and i take three a day for a week. it's clearing up - now to get this sodding sinusitus out the way and i can get back to life!

wednesday night = michael jackson tribute night at sakura. kelly, ryan, amy, tom and i arrived at about 11.40PM and i was told i have to put a jacket on to get in as i was only wearing a vest! ridiculous - i saw about 6 girls wearing sleeveless tops inside...maybe if i was a transexual they would have let me in unquestioned - i had a ponytail for christ sake!

anyway, amy and i had our fingers plastered and we were easily the only two people in the whole club (which was nicely packed) that knew every single syllable to every single michael jackson song that was played - including ad libs.

a very hot and sweaty night, but it cemented the fact that michael jackson has always, and will always be able to tear up a dancefloor.

i also found out on wednesday night that ben atkins wants me to do some promotion for ctrl alt del at scy (it will always be the cell). should start next thursday night...




i went for a drink with giles on thursday, and adam and liam arrived conspicuously - it was absolutely roasting hot (i love the heatwave), and i very much enjoyed both the company and the mixed fruit koppenberg...


after walking with giles and him leaving to go to coffee aroma, i went to the horse and groom to see chesca and ryan for a couple.

conversation that took place basically confirmed that we are likely to go to hell for being born into a christian country, if christianity is the 'wrong' religion, that it is amazing how much can change in a very short space of time, and how intricate and complicate family relations can be - tiny, seemingly insignificant descisions causing ripples for years, even decades to come.


this was proceeded by one of those legendary bjork conversations i like to share with chesca. the outcome of the conversation basically confirmed that bjork never mentions sex, but it is the backbone of her work through her humanity and her feminine ethics. her music itself is that of a true artist - seemingly diverse, with diverse influences, yet coherent undertones bind the work back to one point - the mix of influence and originality. we confirmed that medulla is probably her most underrated album, debut is kitsch but nescessary, post her most diverse, volta her most colourful, and vespertine her most fragile. overture, from selmasongs, proves her genius as a musical existence, not just a performer.


thursday night consisted of kelly coming round to portland st, copious amounts of roule and wine gums (perfect), and me falling asleep in the sweltering heat to eagle vs shark. from what i saw of it, it was a brilliant film.


friday was the first tommy rehearsal - i was surprised at how quickly the structures and arrangements came back to me. i always enjoy working with dave on any project - such a good friend and never fails to make me laugh.


last night i came home at around 5.45PM, and played michael jackson songs on my piano for an hour or so, then was picked up by kelly and chris. we drove to sleaford, and i ordered a take away - adopting novelty quotes such as 'kawabonga' and greeting the girl with 'hellooooo' in the style of david brent. she asked me if it was a wind up after the kawabonga incident (which followed the news that we WILL recieve free cheesey garlic bread)....why would this be a wind up? it wouldn't be remotely funny at all - we hadn't even ordered anything novelty!

a wind up would be 'hello can i have 36 steak and kidney pies at £1.60 each, and a slice of apple pie.'


anyhow, went on a facebook 'adding spree' last night, adding all of the people i could possibly think existed in previous lives and situations. i surprised myself at just how many people i remembered - peers in primary school and even infant school! although it does look like i've had a breakdown and am trying to get as many facebook friends as possible. i also added some of the awful girls who used to bother me way back when, at the start of secondary school. some people are such leeches. examples of such incidents shall be saved for another day.




today i have spent my entire day, semi naked, in kelly's room. i've had a shower and now i'm going to get dressed. tonight, chris kelly and i are going to lincoln to go for a pub night with ryan.


until next time, here's one of my very favourite motown tracks. motown will never die - it's influence on me is immeasurable. so innocent, and beautifully crafted pieces of music - along with the magic of the black voice...this particular song is fitting for the state of affairs in the UK over the past week.

martha reeves and the vandellas - heatwave

JULY 2ND - 11:59

it's been a long time since i updated, so this will be a huge post. alot of things have happened in such a short space of time.

as you will all have heard, michael jackson has died, aged 50, from a cardiac arrest and consequent heart attack. i heard the news on the thursday night of glastonbury, whilst sat with three irish girls smoking. my sister rang me, and i couldn't hear her, so i told her to text me. when she text me the news, i literally got about twenty five text messages, all saying the same thing. i wish in absolute shock, a massive part of my life had ended. walking through glastonbury as the news spread was a surreal experience - clubs, bars and shops gradually playing mj in absolute sequence..

i woke up at 9AM to go and buy the guardian, just to try and grasp the reality of the situation...it had nothing but a front page, pre written obituary. somebody knew it was coming..

causes of the fatality are still up in air, but a lethal reliance on drug cocktails is the most likely case. michael jackson's music, presentation, magic, genius and stage presence inspired me immeasurabley as a child. the power he commanded over millions of people made me feel powerful, it gave me strength, it made me believe in magic - as a child, through situations that arose and experiences i had, this influence absolutely saved my life. i would not be the person i am today if it weren't for this man, and for that i am eternally grateful. the man may be gone, but the magic is immortal. the well-wished 'rest in peace' sentiment has never seemed more fitting...

ryan and i left lincoln at 6.30AM, and picked up damon, for glastonbury. we drove to nottingham, following owen and tom, and met katy and joe at the train station.

we then drove down to glastonbury - the satnav was rude and interupted conversation...we got a little bit lost - we nearly ended up in bloody cardiff! but, after junction closures and country lane intiative we arrived at around 2PM - managing to sneak in and avoid all queues!

so much happened at glastonbury that i will not be able to recall a day to day description. i will note my highlights though, and all the bands i saw..

maximo park (we stayed for a laugh, but after one song it just wasn't funny)

metronomy

kap bambino

the specials (absolutely amazing, ryan and i had our two step/skankin' on...it's much harder in wellies but much more satisfying)

fleet foxes (brilliant but the pryamid stage was far too big for them - they should have had their slot swapped with lady gaga and played on the other stage)

N*E*R*D (brilliant, the first michael jackson dedication of the weekend, made me quite emotional)

regina spektor (such a beautiful jewish woman, with a lovely voice. her new song 'nobody's laughing at god' is fantastic)

the maccabees (orlando is beautiful)

the horrors (so heavy and atmospheric - i love both albums, but they have elevated themselves with primary colours, and faris rotter is absolutely beautiful)

the dead weather (special guests on the park stage - FANTASTIC. much better than raconteurs - really heavy and bluesy, alison mossheart is gorgeous)

kasabian (terrible)

la roux (AWFUL - made ryan and i fight for six hours)

peter doherty (this is for lovers was one of the first singalongs of the weekend - very good indeed, no i wish though despite the pleadings of the crowd. and very british - ballerinas in union jack dresses!)

bon iver (incredible. one of my highlights. the atmosphere, the space they create, the delicacy of his voice and the words it emits, absolutely outstanding.)

rolf harris (absolutely brilliant - such a warm, funny man. the crowd was MENTAL - well over 70000 people. ryan and i had to literally jump over a bush to get in!)

blur (awful - i will discuss the nick cave - blur saga later in this post)

nick cave (of course incredible, i will again go into detail later in this post)

tom jones (fantastic, his stamina and prowess at 70-odd years old are outstanding! again, a very warm performer...)

the prodigy (INSANE)

bat for lashes (beautiful, another highlight. her voice and the details of her songs are so alluring)

black eyed peas (massive michael jackson tribute - the amount of people who love those songs...)

NICK CAVE - BLUR SAGA

ryan and i were very close to the front for nick cave's amazing set. his dedication to the late, grate farrah fawcett was well recieved. such a heavy, electrifying set - the joy i got from knowing that 2/3rds of the crowd were the for blur, stood shocked and appalled at seeing a near 50 year old demon screaming 'BAD MOTHER FUCKER NAMED STAGGER LEE!' is immeasurable...

warren ellis was on top form, he is amazing. i'm sure bob geldof was on keys...nick dedicates mercy seat to his wife and child - his wife is beautiful, and his son is blonde and completely normal! 

after nick cave's 'amazing beyond belief' set, ryan and i tried to escape so that, if i were to have to see some of blur, it could be from a distance. however, the sheer volume of people pushing and shoving was ridiculous - no one was willing to move to let us OUT - IF WE LEAVE, THERE IS MORE SPACE FOR YOU TO GET TO THE FRONT! blur fans are seriously impaired....

ended up getting into an argument with some fat middle aged blur fans who said nick cave was boring. it went something like this:

idiots: what, so you sit through that crap and leave when a real band come on?

me: nick cave would eat blur alive.

ryan: i thought it was oasis who were playing.

me: oh, i thought it was gorillaz.

needless to say etc etc...

FAVOURITE NON MUSICAL MOMENTS OF GLASTONBURY:

1. the enigma that is conrad. i cannot do him justice, but i will say this.

joe: what's the craziest thing you've ever done?

conrad: shagged a fat chick.

me: why was it crazy? did she have a cock?

conrad: no, she had a minge.

just mind blowing...

2. absolutely destroying a michael jackson critic at a campfire. she was being ridiculous, calling him from a pip to a post, even in death.

her: well what's the difference between gary glitter and michael jackson?

me: GARY GLITTER WAS PROVEN GUILTY AND MICHAEL JACKSON WAS PROVEN INNOCENT!

(large applause from around the campfire)

after this debarcle, i went on to play guitar and sing for around two and a half hours - i played a longer set than bruce springsteen!

3. being pissed as a fart and forgetting the words to an acapella rendition of pulp - common people in front of around 300 people. i stumble off, muttering insults...

4. the delight that was the reggae tent - they entice the crowd in with hanson, bon jovi and meatloaf, then when it's packed kick out the hardest reggae and ska - amazing...

5. trash city - such a surreal, amazing creation. apart from the visual wonders, laughing at a man who's name was frank franking for ten minutes was amazing.

6. spray painting 'cunt' on conrad's tent in sunspray at 5am, creeping and giggling like school children...

7. telling a beautiful jewish girl it's ok to be bisexual, if she's sure she is...

8. one pound yoghurt pots - lifesaver

9. the big dog - for £4.50, a foot long baguette with a huge sasauge, chips and cheese all in it, topped with brown sauce, is AMAZING. this is pittance in glastonbury prices..

10. inappropriate high fiving and awful knock knock jokes.

11. the amazing man watching bat for lashes. overhang, bill bailey hair, massive glasses, ear plugs. but he was so into the music, just fantastic.

12. the mental guy ryan and i met on the jazz world field - he had a guitar, he'd gotten in for free, he had my name tattooed on his chest, and he promised us backstage passes for bruce springsteen. wearing a yellow mac in 30 degree heat - mental.

13. the mystery that was camera man brian.

WORST NON MUSICAL MOMENTS

1. the harrowing sight that is looking down in the toilets. NEVER, EVER LOOK DOWN.

2. paying £3.50 for a bottle of coca cola.

3. paying £7.50 for a pack of cigarettes.

4. paying £3 for a tube of pringles

5. paying £1 for a tube of wine gums

6. being tricked into posing with a hard-fi tshirt.

7.  the AWFUL rich girl whilst waiting to leave, saying how 'she don't respect people if they don't respect her, you get me?' - whilst referring to gig security. sounds weak, but it was mental.

that's all i can conjure up, for something as big as glastonbury, compared to something as inevitabley small as my human mind, that really isn't bad going.

i arrived home to a pile of around 30 tabloids to dissect the michael jackson tragedy. i went to the doctors yesterday, i have a chest infection and am now on some sort of penicillin concoction.

there has been a significant event that took place whilst i was away, one that involves mistreatment, betrayal and selfishness. it has been heavily recieved, and i love kelly marie millican and christopher alexander buckley with all of my heart.

i must go, i have a rendevous with giles at dogma in precisely 23 minutes.

until next time, here's one of my favourite michael jackson songs -

JUNE 23RD - 15:44

don't listen to faith, listen to love - (the result of witnessing a grotesque preacher in the city today)....

yesterday matt, kelly chris and i drove to lincoln - went to the angel for a coffee with collette, then went to topman to buy some more vests (they make me feel free!), HMV so matt could pick up the new mars volta record...

then went to CEX - i bought taxi driver and ricky gervais - animals (they put the wrong disc in though, gave me politics instead. i forgot to take it back today, bugger..). i bought 50000 fall fans can't be wrong (they have a song called cheetham hill - i don't know why i'm so surprised) and kate bush - the red shoes.

kate bush is so special to me - the kick inside and hounds of love are two of the most perfectly expressive albums i've ever heard, she is a beautiful woman - a beautiful human being...

the red shoes has an absolutely amazing song on it, an undercover collaboration with prince (who is a huge kate bush admirer) - why should i love you?

it mixes kate's purity, femininity and beauty with the intricate funk of prince's production - the lyrics are stunning...

kate bush - why should i love you?

"This chapter says

"Put it out of your mind"

Give it time....

The fine purple
The purest gold
The red of the Sacred Heart
The grey of a ghost
The "L" of the lips are open
To the "O" of the Host
The "V" of the velvet

Of all of the people in the world
Why should I love you?
There's just something 'bout you
There's just something 'bout you
Of all the people in the world
Why should I love you?

Have you ever seen a picture
Of Jesus laughing?
Do you think
He had a beautiful smile?
A smile that healed

Of all the people in the world
Why should I love you?
There's just something 'bout you
There's just something 'bout you
Of all the people in the world
Why should I love you?
Of all the people in the world
Why should I love you?

The fine purple
The purest gold
The red of the Sacred Heart
The grey of a ghost
The "L" of the lips are open
To the "O" of the Host
The "V" of the velvet
The "E" of my eye
The eye in wonder
The eye that sees
The "I" that loves you

Of all the people in the world
Why should I love you?"

tonight i am packing for glastonbury - we set off tomorrow morning at 5AM. 

JUNE 22ND - 10:24

so, friday night = das moustache.

once again, brilliant. me, kelly, chris, ryan, amy, richard, tom, chesca .. brilliant night. i love the das moustache ideals, a real party for real kids. they played raspberry beret, handsome devil, bigmouth strikes again and there is a light that never goes out - me chris and kelly being awful...

ended up talking to a girl who we met outside of sugarcubes, i think her name was beckie, and her friend frank...she came over to us when she heard us singing first of the gang to die at the top of our lungs whilst having a smoke....told us she's so happy that there are other people in lincoln who have good music taste...told us about how she loves her best friend but doesn't want to scare her off by telling her...i told her to absolutely do it.

got home at about 4AM - it was starting to get light when we got in, and i had a mild stomach ache...thankfully it wore off as i went to sleep though.

woke up at about 11/12 and chris and kelly went home. i stayed in lincoln and met my mum at 2.30PM, took her to the angel for coffee with collette, ryan and chesca.  it was her idea not to go to coffee aroma - i like her thinking. ended up having two or three hours of delightful banter, then went to the market to buy a phone battery. mum left, and ryan chesca and i went to blue banana so ryan could get some trendy CRIMINAL DAMAGE jeans. then went and had a 'hmv' binge that resulted in my buying absolutely nothing.

came home at around 6ish and went to elle's birthday party at around 8. left around 10.30...kelly left me to carry a crate of strongbow back to hers - so chris and i took a different route and shook all the cans to high heaven - this prevailed when a couple of 'likely lads' asked me for a can, the screams as we walked away...

yesterday i drove with kelly to witham st hughs to drop elle off, then we drove back to my house and sat around smoking in the sun all day. had a roast dinner, then sat in my room for about three hours, smoking, and talking about jazz. we both feel like something huge is going to happen in the next ten years that will completely change our lives forever...we talked about artistic integrity, mixing with the norm and avoiding false ideals...

ended up falling asleep to leonard cohen - i'm your man dvd. so many brilliant artists brought together with a mutual adoration and respect for this genius.

leonard cohen is a massive part of my life...so many beautiful words. his importance is immeasurable. 

one of my favourite leonard cohen songs is 'anthem'. it is from his 1991 album 'the future', and is musically and lyrically life affirming. this song has nurtured me through numerous instances in my life where i have suffocated, enclosed, imprisoned, questioned worth...

but 'there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in..'

'the birds they sang at the break of day.

start again, i heard them say.

don't dwell on what has passed away, or what is yet to be.

the wars, they will be fought again.

the holy dove, she will be cut again.

bought and sold and bought again, the dove is never free.

ring the bells that still can ring,

forget your perfect offering.

there is a crack in everything - that's how the light gets in.

we asked for signs, the signs were sent.

the birth betrayed, the marriage spent.

the widowhood of every government signs for all to see.

i can't run no more, with that lawless crowd.

while the killers in high places say their prayers out loud.

but they have summoned up a thunder cloud - they're gonna hear from me.

ring the bells that still can ring,

forget your perfect offering.

there is a crack in everything - that's how the light gets in.

you can add up the parts, you won't have a sum.

you can strike up the march, there is no drum.

every heart to love will come - but like a refugee. 

ring the bells that still can ring,

forget your perfect offering.

there is a crack in everything - that's how the light gets in.'

leonard cohen saved my life.

JUNE 19TH - 18.30

so last night ryan picked me up and we drove to lincoln, listening to prince all the way. stopped off at tescos - ryan's money still hadn't gone into his account, annoyance all round.

went back home, collette has come back from scotland/hull, so it was nice to see her. also - a first....all five members of portland st in the same room at once!! looked at novelty hat knitting patterns with amy and collette, went to the horse and groom with ryan to meet vic and her scouse lover....then went to mcdonalds on the way home - i ate two dinners last night!! such a man...

ended up watching never mind the buzzcocks (the patrick wolf episode where he purposefully says nothing), and having my character deconstructed by collette - she's so normal...

quote of the evening - 'but who in the world would say ''you know what, i really fancy going to see stereophonics'' '

watched t in the park, well - fast forwarded our way through it - such an awful line up, it was as if they had opened the nme and picked at random. rem played though, so that was somewhat of a saving grace.

woke up this morning at 11AM - SLEPT IN AGAIN! quickly got dressed and went into town to pick up my hoodie and the dvd of the show on tuesday. came home and went straight to grantham for my dentist appointment - thankfully my racist welsh dentist didn't offend me this time, so it was a worthwhile visit (my teeth are fine too)!

then went with my mother to my grandma and her friend's houses to water their plants...had another mcdonalds (i need to start eating properly again).

i'm just cutting up the dvd so i can upload it onto youtube...the prince set won't make it up, obviously, but the bowie set will. i suppose it would be courteous to upload the whole show...i will do at somepoint....

so here i am with the fantastic david bowie band, covering a fantastic song - heroes

JUNE 18TH - 19:21

today has been a lovely day. i woke up at around 12, slept in again...watched a channel 4 show about a middle aged couple who sold up their lives in derbyshire to move to the north welsh countryside, to buy a post office and start a new life...they were a completely ordinary couple, but the companionship they had was amazing, although again nothing out the ordinary. devotion and companionship is commonplace, but that doesn't degrade the beauty and power of it. but the majority of the normal public take this for granted, and those that are aware of the beauty of this crave it all the more. that said, they really were plain, they were both factory workers who had been made redundant...still inspired me though...

went into lincoln at around 2.00PM, met ryan and chesca at the angel, got a medium honeycomb latte, ended up paying for a large though...too polite to say anything, the coffee was good...

...sat outside for about 45 minutes, ended up talking to a random woman about who would win a fight between wolverine and riddick - i said that desperate dan would win hands down, then we realised how weird it is that he still lives with his auntie aggie, and that he manages to consume and digest cow horns...

ryan and i went glastonbury shopping - well, his money hadn't transferred into his account so it was effectively me shopping and ryan commentating. bought two vests from topman, and reserved a hoodie to pick up tomorrow morning. i was forced to drop my vendettas and buy two pairs of sneakers, a pair of trackie bottoms, ten pairs of thick socks and a pair of black skinnies from primark - all absolute bargains...then bought a pair of traditional glasto wellies from boyes - £8...

saw kate at the train station and took the train home with her, had a lovely talk. she's really excited about the das moustache party tomorrow night - i don't know whether it'll be as intense as the last one, that was like a deleted scene from skins, but this one will be memorable - chris and kelly are coming, so it will be a night to remember. spoke with kate about the perks of turning eighteen, but the inevitable anti-climax it presents...i told her that she will have a blast, and she will.

got my mum to pick me up from the train station, had too many bags to carry and they were primark bags - so they were ripping left right and centre. came home, and showed off my purchases. she had bought me some handwash and a nifty little first aid kit to take with me - she's such a motherly mother...

...had an amazing dinner, pepper steak, potato wedges and peas...was beautiful. had a conversation with my mother and sister about the show on tuesday night. they both think i'm going to be famous, my sister thinks i'll be as big as patrick wolf. imagine!! if i succeed in marrying him we'll be  john and yoko, but credible in the music and art scenes!!!

my mother told me that she hates how alexandra burke sacrificed the beauty of hallelujah and certain phrases within it in favour of lyrics that would promote the song as a christmas, accessible smash...my sister told me she absolutely loves joanna newsom (i already knew this), and i told her she needs to get into bjork...

i told her to listen to the vespertine album, one of the most beautiful pieces of art i have ever witnessed....

had a conversation with my mother about music in general, spoke about joni mitchell, fats domino, nina simone, prince' superiority over michael jackson. she said that leonard cohen is to bob dylan what the supremes are to the spice girls - i thoroughly enjoyed this, however i told her that bob dylan is still, inevitably, undeniably important, and at times a fantastic artist.

this said, my favourite bob dylan moment doesn't feature his presence at all. joan baez covering it ain't me babe...

she has the voice of an absolute angel, and is such an organic, friendly, pure woman...her voice has the stunning vibrato of edith piaf, with the softness of joni mitchell...eyes you could wander for days in...

'this is a protest song called no, no, no - it ain't me babe. it's dedicated to all the married people in the audience, and all the people who are about to get married - i guess i'm anti marriage..'

the face of the smiling girl, absolutely enthralled with the warmth of this woman...so natural, so real..

the love joan baez had for bob dylan makes this recital even more poignant - she takes bob dylan's emotions, and turns them on their head, she aims the pistol right back at him...

'move away from my window,leave at your own chosen speed.

i'm not the one you want babe,i'm not the one you need.

you say you're looking for someone,never weak - and always strong.

to protect you and defend you, whether you are right or wrong.

someone to open each and every door. but it ain't me babe,

no, no, no it ain't me babe. it ain't me you're looking for babe.

go lightly from the ledge babe, go lightly on the ground.

i'm not the one you want babe,i will only let you down.

'you say you're looking for someone who will promise never to part,

someone to close his eyes for you, someone to close his heart.

someone to die for you and more, but it ain't me babe.

no, no, no, it ain't me babe - it ain't me you're looking for babe.

go melt back into the night babe, everything inside's made of stone.

there's nothing here removing, and anyway i'm not alone.

you say you're looking for someone, to pick you up each time you fall.

to gather flowers constantly and come each time you call.

a lover for your life and nothing more, but it ain't me babe.

no, no, no it ain't me babe. it ain't me you're looking for babe.'

the feminine strength reminds me of my love for julia margaret cameron....

Julia Margaret Cameron, Divine Love, Mary Hillier 1865. 

JUNE 17TH - 22:22

i will begin this post with describing and trying to get my head around the events of the last two days, predominantly those of last night..

on tuesday morning i got the train into lincoln at 9.30. i wass rushing around at home, i slept in as the night before i had been trying to sort out an outfit for my bowie set. my dad drove me round to the train station, just as the train was pulling in - i love it when that happens...

...as soon as i got into lincoln i treated myself to a pack of marlboro reds - the day ahead was to be busy and tiring so this was a luxury and an ease! upon buying the cigarettes i realised i had bought a soft pack - i have never seen one of these before, and spent the majority of the day informing everyone of their existence..

had a bowie rehearsal at 10AM - i was half an hour late as i went to topman to buy a plain white t shirt (i bought an XXS!) to paint my prince design onto... my voice was sketchy in the rehearsel, i had an irritable throat and struggled at points, but the band were tight and it made me feel certain in our inevitable success...

went down to the drill hall for 12.30, only to be told that we aren't allowed to begin run throughs until 2PM as people in the cafeteria have complained about the noise...

THIS IS MENTAL! it is a theatre, a space for performance...a performance needs sound checks and rehearsals! there were only about four people in the cafeteria anyway! absurd...

after a day of good, albeit delayed rehearsals, i spent the majority of my time before the performance sat backstage, talking with friends and nipping outside for cigarettes. 

the show started at 7.30, kicking off with the prince set. i'd never enjoyed those songs as much as i did last night - the band were incredibly tight. my mother was in the crowd, and i was singing the songs for her, she was too ill to see the prince show the first time round, so last night was for my mother. the harmonies on purple rain sounded amazing, and the energy in get off was intense. after the prince set, and a kind applause from the unexpectedly huge crowd, i went backstage to rest, and see my family and friends briefly.

the second act opened with my david bowie set. i have performed countless times in my life, but the energy and intensity i felt when performing those songs last night completely overtook me.

 the power behind those songs....the energy of fame, the bitterness of let's dance and the emotion of heroes...i screamed and screamed, i felt at one with the songs...i sang like i had nothing to lose. i didn't perform, i existed. 

when the bowie set had finished, i felt incredibly faint, and ran backstage immediately to sit down. i've been so tired lately, mentally and physically, but the show last night gave me such a boost. i've found out i need to learn how to take compliments..

after the show had finished, i stayed behind to help with the get out. it was all fine and dandy, howell and i adopting our usual post as van loaders/drivers...UNTIL THE BATTERY DIES ON THE VAN! end up sitting at the drill hall until 1.30AM...jack josh and i literally run to romeo's pizza and stay there until 2.30AM...i leave jack and josh at josh's flat to go to adam's..

i got to sleep at around 3.00AM, and fell asleep listening to neon bible... i remember buying this album at somerfield in sleaford after school, i must have been fifteen, and thinking it the world. in heinsight, it is still musically fantastic, but i think it loses itself in parts to it's predetermined goals...it loses intensity in favour of purpose.

however, it does contain some of arcade fire's finest moments...this being one of them.

the music in this song gives me the same sense of bittersweet as david bowie and nick cave's work...the music itself combining the saucy, salsa-esque guitar strumming and drumming with a brooding intensity, before progressing into a lifesaving finale of hornsand piano stabs...the finale almost reminds me of beirut...absolutely magical. true originals...

'you got your reasons, and me i got mine.

but all the reasons i gave were just lies to buy myself some time, i've come to work it out.'

i got a letter from ucas today, asking for me to verify something to do with exam boards/grades, as what it says on my entry doesn't match with what the exam boards themselves have said...it's all very confusing, i will have to seek the help of dave for this one.

JUNE 15TH - 21:03

tonight i am very tired. today was a long day, lots of waiting...my saxophone sounds amazing in the auditorium though, i surprised myself. i haven't played in five years, and picked it up a couple of weeks ago. i'm very excited about tomorrow night's show - the sound in the drill hall will be amazing, the lights will be spectacular, and i need to take tonight to make sure my outfit is fabulous...i love singing let's dance and heroes, i get to scream and wail.. 

on the train home i noticed that you can see the cathedral from much further away than i thought - it's hidden on the horizon between a group of trees close to metheringham. i only saw it through chance, in three years of using this train route i've never noticed it before..

need to start shopping for glastonbury this week - luckily the weather will not be a monsoon,and we're to expect quite an average, slightly pleasant weeekend in terms of weather. i'm unsure as to whether i'd prefer a monsoon...

i've been worrying about the summer today. i really need to try hard to make sure i don't lose myself, i always struggle in the summer... such a vast amount of time with no structure or objectives. i think this summer will be a good opportunity for me to have the stereotypical 'best summer ever' that young people always proclaim certain summers to be...i have my three very best friends and that makes me happy. i want to make sure i spend as much time with kelly as possible, as i daren't think about how much i will miss her when i move away.

i am trying really hard to find a scene from la vie en rose that epitomises the importance of honesty, emotion and truth in art. it's one of the most important pieces of film in my life..i can't find it so i will describe it. edith piaf is so alive in my thoughts, senses and emotions...she will never die.

in the previous scene edith leaves marcel a message on his answer phone, demanding he comes to her at once as she cannot live another day without him. the aforementioned scene shows edith awaken, and turn to see marcel lying on the bed beside her. she is overjoyed, and smothers him in kisses. she makes coffee and brings it to the bedroom, a beaming smile on her face. she remembers a gift she has for him, and leaves the bedroom to find it. she is exuberant and alive, excited to give the gift to her love..

she looks for the gift (which happens to be a watch) and asks her house staff, one by one, to help her find it. the house staff look mortified, as if they have been crying for hours, each of them bearing an expression of supreme anxiety and upset. edith is confused, and becomes angry as to where the watch is, and why her staff are acting in this way..

..edith goes back to the bedroom. marcel isn't there. she screams his name, and breaks down, tears streaming from her face. she can barely stand, she struggles to breathe, her body convulses, her senses uncontrollable. a trusted member of staff tearfully informs edith of marcel's death, the plane he spontaneously boarded to see her never landed on french soil. 

edith is distraught, she reaches out, she shakes, she stumbles, she is hysterical. she walks down a corridor in her parisian apartment, and the camera turns in full cycle, so we can see what lies at the end of the corridor - the stage of edith's most cherished venue, l'olympia, to an entranced and eager crowd.

edith piaf never performed. she existed, what the audience saw was nudity, honesty, power, weakness, strength, vulnerability, self affliction, self preservation, humanity....

beauty is a word, and thus doesn't do this song justice. it was voted 4th most beautiful french song of all time. who's to compare beauty?

her eyes, her beautiful hands, her holy voice. 

Edith Piaf L'Hymne à L'Amour English subtitles
by lightning49

edith piaf - l'hymne a l'amour (a hymn to love)

'the blue sky above us could collapse,

and the earth could well fall to pieces - matters little to me if you love me.

i don't give a damn about the whole world.

as long as love floods my mornings,

as long as my body quivers under your hands,

problems matter little to me, my love - since you love me.

i would dye my hair blonde if you asked me to.

i would tear down the moon, steal a fortune

if you asked it of me.

i would renounce my country, 

i would renounce my friends,

if you asked it of me.

all can really laugh at me, 

i would do no matter what - if you asked it of me.

if one day life tears you away from me,

if you die far away from me - matters little to me if you love me,

for i will die aswell.

we will have for us eternity in the immense blue sky,

in heaven - no more problems.

my love, believe that we love eachother.

god reunites those who love eachother.'

JUNE 14TH - 23:42

it's hard to believe someone cares about how you feel when they don't make any effort to keep you in their life, and there's nothing worse than feeling disposable. i always try to keep people and nourish them as human beings, it's tiring but it's our duty... ignorance isn't bliss, it's ignorance. sometimes a certain person brings home the territorial, neanderthal, ignorance... he has beautiful lips though, and i still lose myself in his eyes. i was an experiment, if you care about how i feel then show it, if not - then don't lie. it never showed anyway. 

LIFE IS TO LOVE AND TO BE LOVED. i have faith in intimacy and reality.

i listened to bits of the fall - the marshall suite on spotify, chris told me it was really electro. it's not that electro, but this song is brilliant, and the songs that proceed it. it makes me want to punch mark e smith, which in his language means hug.

'mark e smith moved to edinburgh but he liked it too much so he moved back to manchester'

jazz prescription:

jean genet went to school! need to read our lady of the flowers again...thought i saw jean genet in belton house today but realised he's still dead, and there wasn't a black panther sticker on his rover estate..

JUST FOUND AN AMAZING VON GLOEDEN PICTURE - wanted to try and find a picture from the taromina collection, but i can't find it on the internet, and i don't have a scanner to scan it in...this is proof to von gloeden's critics that he personified beauty in all forms...

JUNE 14TH - 22:21

********* is still in need of some serious lovin. but is happy i have got a few things cleared up with my bubba, i love you baby no matter what x x x

this was the first status i saw when i logged onto facebook a minute ago...real people don't give up on love, they try to make it work. it shouldn't be restricted by time ... i know real love, and i remember it.

had a lovely day today. decided to go to belton house in the end. the weather was beautiful, i have tan lines...chris and i walked to the bell tower - i haven't been there in over a decade and the last time i went was on my deaf friend's birthday..his cool older cousin with long hair came and we all went on a bike ride...i watched my friends play football and my friends cool cousin kiss his lady on the hill...

i fell over trying to climb a style, pulled every muscle in my body. chris loved it...chris and i had to climb a seven foot wire fence to get to the bell tower, made me feel real.. i had an amazing red leicester and chutney sandwich, the price was outrageous and the coffee was burnt, but it did the trick.

we went for pub dinner afterwards which was nice, had a pear koppenberg..i've never had one before. i prefer magners pear, but it was still tasty.

when we got back we went to see kelly, some of her friends had annoyed her through being ignorant, but chris and i are her real friends and we had a real time like we always do. watched wife swap, come dine with me and some of big brother - the commentary on all three programmes was brilliant....

...kelly drove me home at around 21:45. she has a new ipod lead for her car, it goes into her cassette port. we listened to moonland and more news from nowhere.... two of the most amazing nick cave songs. so atmospheric and emotional. from the amazing dig lazurus dig album, such a dynamic album...really excited about seeing them at glastonbury now. i will have to run for the motown 50th birthday show, but i'll run quickly. 

this is more news from nowhere. nick cave's words aren't poetry, they're more than that. just heard on the news that someone has died in glasgow from swine flu, but the victim had been gravely ill for some weeks. 

some amazing quotes from more news from nowhere..

'i walk into the corner of the room, see my friends in high places.

i don't which is which and whom is whom, they've stolen eachother's faces..'

'now betty x is like betty y minus that fatal chromosome,

her hair is like the wine dark sea, on which sailors come home.

i say hey baby, hey betty x (i lean up close to her throat)

this light you're carrying is like a lamp, hanging from a distant boat..'

'then a black girl with no clothes on danced across the room,

we charted the progress of the planets around that boogie-woogie moon,

i called her my nubian princess, i gave her some sweet-back badass jive,

i spent the next seven years between her legs, pining for my wife..'

'here comes aliana with two black eyes, she's given herself a transfusion, 

she's filled herself with panda blood to avoid all the confusion,

i said the sun rises and falls with you, and various things about love,

but a rising violence in me cut all my circuits off...'

he's not allowed to wear a tshirt! he knows what he's doing though, asking for a carrier bag to carry his bread in. pointing - we need to be over there! no-one mentions warren's beard...

i contemplated wearing a michael jackson t shirt when i play my prince set on tuesday, but that would suggest i favour michael jackson over prince. i love them both for different reasons, so i'm not so sure if it's a good idea anymore..

i love this picture of nazimova, she looks so porcelain and feminine. it reminds me of virginia woolf.

JUNE 14TH - 10:51

yesterday was my granddad's 70th birthday, my mum cooked a roast which was nice. i was

wearing my hair in a ponytail, i think my grandma thinks i'm famous...

i managed to get a completely uninterrupted night's sleep last night, which was nice. i fell asleep watching big brother live - the show comprises of sixteen people who think the british public will be interested in their mannerisms, but they are all very plain people when they're asleep or drinking tea...

...maybe they shouldn't put the live feed on the television as it ruins the illusion of them being 'kooks'. but then it wouldn't be orwellian... as if it's orwellian as it is! one of them had to change their name to halfwit to get a place in the house! so desperate... but i don't think they even know what they're desperate for.. fame? success? victory? it's a television show!!

i listened to 2/3 of the new bat for lashes album last night, two suns. i really enjoyed it. it's much more exotic than fur and gold, the instrumentation is much more diverse. i'm really excited about seeing natasha at glastonbury, and i'm desperate to find a hoodie that will 

do her's justice...

a couple of amazing quotes from this song...

'when the fires came, 

the smell of cinders and rain perfumed almost everything - 

we laughed and laughed and laughed'

feeling quite attached to this one at the minute...

'but in a goodbye bed,

with my arms around your head,

into our love the tears crept,

just catch in the eye of the storm.

and as my heart ran round,

my dreams pulled me from the ground,

forever to search for the flame.

for home again.

for home again.'

i'm meant to be going to belton house again today with chris, but i've had such a heavy night's

sleep that i feel really tired and wheezy now. i need to decide soon though because he wants

to set off at around one...

really want to goto goldsmiths now... smelling new scenery and meeting new people...

this will be me in freshers week, meeting new people by letting them guess my 'secret'...